Monday, July 7, 2008

Buffalo Hair: What if Jay Leno leaves?

What if Jay Leno leaves?


That would be my luck eh. My web page is not even completed and Jay Leno is pondering early retirement or something. So much for my 15 minutes of fame and shameless promotion of my page, I’ll have to guest on Conan O’Brian's show. Thanks a lot Jay, as if I don’t already have enough to worry about these days, with the price of fuel and all. Now my dreams are dashed and returned to the realm of fantasy.


I was not so much excited about being Jay’s guest as much as I was excited about hanging out with his bikes and cars before or a fter the show.  I had it all planned out see.  I was going to get ole Jay to let me cruise one of his bikes. We could have gone to the Rock Store or cruise Sunset Strip. Maybe ride to Vegas and raid Wayne Newton’s fridge. When I meet Jay Leno face to face for the first time in my life I would shamelessly say;


“Nice to meet you Jay, now where are them motorcycles I’ve been hearing about eh?”


But noooooo, all I have to look forward to is hanging out with Conan O’Brian. I can see it now me and Conan at his storage shed in Downey pulling out two dinky scooters and two matching helmets. Guess we’d cruise Roscoe Blvd and hang out at an obscure book store drinking coffee with some chick named Saturnalia. I would be slightly distracted by her chrome hair and all the body piercings she had. They would glimmer in the sunlight. I would ponder why any one would pierce their nipples and hang a pair of hand cuffs off of them.

We would hit the highway and ride our scooters to the Santa Monica Pier and ride the merry go round. Then it’s off to San Fernando Road where Conan like s to break out the windows of an old Purina Building. Oh boy what fun. After an adventure packed day it would be time for dinner. Conan would take us to his favorite Haggis stand where we would be served wine from a lamb’s b ladders. Women with leg hair would be dancing around us ringing bells. The owner of the store, kitchen crew alone with the wait staff gather at our table singing “Happy Birthday to You” Someone would put this stupid party hat on us. Conan would be out of control with excitement. Jay, I just can’t take it!



I’ll save you some Haggis


Your Devil’s Advocate






Your Devil’s Advocate


No comments: